my polka dots drain. run. scatter. melting away from my essence. artifacts of creative avenues. once cultivated. giving rise to novel expressions. bubbles of boundless wonders. but now escape in purposeless puddles. helpless against the abyss of loss. the little light left. flooding dark rooms with opportunity. i reach for it. a disoriented damsel. in desperate search for new dotting techniques.
daily internal struggle of contrast. wonderful – dreadful. hideous – attractive. emotional – numb. binary lines of yes and noes. little conflicting mantras. slicing through my psyche. where i lose and find. love and hate. every shadow poised to pin me with negative notions. attempting to overbear the strands of glowing hope. and reign. but light must win. triumph. even when she seems outnumbered.
repetition is life’s practice. an echo of past and future selves. blending together into a form. familiar. residence for this refugee. a space within that welcomes all versions of this traveler. the seeker. the one who resides in between the beams of brick establishments. takes shelter in herself. learns to bend with each new position. and finds harmony in the chaos.
a malleable meadow expanding under each footfall. giving space to grow into uncharted terrain. there is vibrancy in the air. pulsing with the openness of opportunity. here. i begin to walk. finding comfort in ambiguity. saunter into summer skies. spotted with clouds of intrigue. that barely fade before dawn. and provide a pastel palette. free. with which to draw-in the unforeseen.
lights of bustling landscapes quietly flare. twinkling reminders of potential adventure avenues. that course outward into darkness. await. for the right connection to form. no-rush. no need to push against temporary walls. who crumble under the flows of time. and give way to unguarded spaces. exposing the hidden magic. when the mind let’s go. and the hush of night takes over.
To explain my month’s absence, here are photographic slices of my latest journey:
I’ve been to Hel and back! Literally. Biked 35km through Hel, Poland
Stormed the largest available castle
Celebrated a beautiful union
And experienced some local flavors:
Owl sporting gypsies
Sun-splashed alley cafes
and goat fur trader.
The trip then turned from summery Eastern Europe to a water-themed Icelandic adventure. That started with sea ice
Flowed into epic rainy hikes
Gushed into rivers and waterfalls
To unnamed waterfall caves — complete with a snow/ice floor
Days of camping on crumbling cliffs
With a sample of pampering
Sulfuric hot springs
That gave rise to white-out driving
And a snorkleing moment where, through the linkage of friends, we bridged the gap between the North American and European continental shelf
No matter how many times I venture out — either solo or with new/old friends — my heart is filled. And yet left a bit thirsty. For there is always more to discover!
through the thicket. under pass. and open on to wandering’s wonders. utopia. the edge of fear and curiosity. anticipation wells over the next bend. and my core nature soars. in these silent woods there is only me. explorer. sponge soaking in the succulent landscapes. a place where i can be myself. alone and free. trekking into the falling light of discovery.
against the vast sapphire sphere flits a jackdaw. in black and green. constantly distracted by all the shiny. savory. and at times apathetic aromas of life. until whoosh. a daunting gust. and time catches up. ensnares. takes on the heavy hand of indifferent momentum. where one can be dragged into the ether. or ride the unrelenting updraft. prepared for unknown variables.
drapes can veil the surrounding world. soften. encapsulate a space. a moment. where nothing outside can penetrate. these sheers. airy material never meant to buffer more than subtle breezes. now take on the duty of deluding her thinking that no one can see. her state of distracted glowing bliss. where light finds and energizes. no matter which sill she tiptoes on.
in the future pink and leather will reign. where foreign fields beg exploring. and bodies move in snazzy sways. a time for reconnecting. with self, sky and others. to break from social orders. and accept what comes my way. a rocketwoman. eagerly donning my helmet. ready to answer the cosmo’s choral calling. and time reminds me to launch now or never.