swaddled in sinewy wooden skin. its barrier both preserving and preventing progress in my world. i sink further into the swampy trap of doubt. languish. fester in frictionless mind games. that endlessly loop detrimental mantras. sticky. in those stuck days when sludge sucks the brightness from my figure. feeding off melancholy moods. and taking me deeper into its murky muddy form.
slip sliding through frosty terrain. leaving divots. shards. icy remnants of shaky paths. contrast to smooth skating days. when those missteps suddenly stumble upon a cool world. frozen. hidden under what appeared to be turmoil. but was prismatic. allowing intrigue to look back. to display different views beneath the fickle tundra. waiting to be unlocked. discovered. for the thaw to begin.
under constant critique one can pale to pastel. wear down. and allow a peek. beneath the cover ups. welcoming for a brief moment into this safe space. reflection. wary at first. at odds with self-pronounced flaws. but come to gaze upon vulnerability’s power. its true offering. the gift of honesty. that hushes the negative and highlights the ability to know oneself.
words elude me. they jumble in mass. coagulating into a clot creating barriers, fears, hesitations. when clarity momentarily froths to the surface. it quickly evaporates into misunderstanding. exhale. leaving me veiled behind the curtain of mistranslation. behind a timid voice. i let it envelope me. inhale. a concoction of confusion and hopefulness. open to the rise and fall of progressive breathing.
made. on this day. 1985. three plus decades have shaped her figure. chiseled away the extraneous to reveal highlights. taken from lovely bits of different landscapes, faces, and times. sculpting a morphing form. but harbors two constant threads. woven throughout this creature’s composition. a ferocious craving of curiosity. that keeps her exploring more. and gratefulness for the gems discovered along the way.
under hand crafted mementos. and bed head. a shared smile. between misfits. who found complement in each other. strength in numbers. laugh, play, and harmonize with all they have. whose love is reaffirmed in the hardest moments. and breathes in the down times. that devotion. brings back. to keep sorting strange shaped pieces. and form their peculiar puzzle of life.
a dreamy chick soaring in sunshine highs. finds freeing strokes can quickly turn to struggled flits. when the ground grasps at wings. and the air rushes away. she’s fallen. momentarily stricken with gravity. that pulls those cloud-high desires down to reality. sinking into the honey mixture of bitter beginnings and sweet rewards. that come from humility in accepting an imperfect flight.
riding the descend of one moment and the dawn of another. i recognize this repeating pattern. of sweet mixed sadness creating a confused concoction. duplexity. a calm exterior hides my internal unrest. crisscrossing against the grain. those troublesome shadows revel in revealing emotions. hidden under anxious hair play. that sneak to the surface when least expected. and catch me off guard.
there’s this thing called hope. we all get it on occasion. comes out of a kind gesture, word, or view. sinks its unrealistic teeth into one’s subconscious. and leaves its rosy residue behind. embedding. waiting until reality resumes to rekindle that optimistic flame. fire. that burns ahead. alight with potential. promising fortunate futures. for those willing to mix hope with action.
our trees could, should, and may be different. unique forms flourishing from mortared foundations. that expand together. connected. in this breathing forest. where we are individual. but absorb mutual nutrients. united. against the howling winds of judgment. our branches sway in the onslaught of know-it-alls. but they do not break. flexible. with a strong core they stand resolute. and keep extending.