under constant critique one can pale to pastel. wear down. and allow a peek. beneath the cover ups. welcoming for a brief moment into this safe space. reflection. wary at first. at odds with self-pronounced flaws. but come to gaze upon vulnerability’s power. its true offering. the gift of honesty. that hushes the negative and highlights the ability to know oneself.
words elude me. they jumble in mass. coagulating into a clot creating barriers, fears, hesitations. when clarity momentarily froths to the surface. it quickly evaporates into misunderstanding. exhale. leaving me veiled behind the curtain of mistranslation. behind a timid voice. i let it envelope me. inhale. a concoction of confusion and hopefulness. open to the rise and fall of progressive breathing.
made. on this day. 1985. three plus decades have shaped her figure. chiseled away the extraneous to reveal highlights. taken from lovely bits of different landscapes, faces, and times. sculpting a morphing form. but harbors two constant threads. woven throughout this creature’s composition. a ferocious craving of curiosity. that keeps her exploring more. and gratefulness for the gems discovered along the way.
riding the descend of one moment and the dawn of another. i recognize this repeating pattern. of sweet mixed sadness creating a confused concoction. duplexity. a calm exterior hides my internal unrest. crisscrossing against the grain. those troublesome shadows revel in revealing emotions. hidden under anxious hair play. that sneak to the surface when least expected. and catch me off guard.
after too many colorless sailing days. a swell of gold highlights harbor. ahoy. i have landed. washed up on familiar shores. with boulders built from eroded memories. to rediscover lost loves that were always there. guides. faintly fizzing in crashing waves. waiting to carry me back. willing. across the stress seas. to exciting uneven ground. that induce the need for ready.
fear. that fickle captor. bringing about constraint. blinders. convincing there is safety behind the ignorance. in the forgetful fog of contentment. but the doubtful chants begin to quietly echo. question existence. divide down my layers to a remainder of vulnerability. naked. exposed. in the raw openness is where change dawns. and one can finally dare to peek out of the darkness.
abundance adorns itself in simplicity. smiles exchanged by passing strangers. spontaneous hip rocks to unheard tunes. blowing seeds of hope to future dreams. these tiny gems glow on the lengthy necklace of life. link together in a dazzling display. a brilliant peacefulness. complete. where one feels grateful to harbor health. content to live fully. and find excitement when wishes come alive.
in the future pink and leather will reign. where foreign fields beg exploring. and bodies move in snazzy sways. a time for reconnecting. with self, sky and others. to break from social orders. and accept what comes my way. a rocketwoman. eagerly donning my helmet. ready to answer the cosmo’s choral calling. and time reminds me to launch now or never.
words choked back. clogged. stuffed down by imposing forces. the world demands a brave facade. while the unspoken stormily torments inside. they come surfacing. longing to be heard. to be free. only to be clipped by cupped hands. silenced by ridiculous circumstance. but there may come a chance. a time. when these words can carry out their fight song.
when it’s around my legs transform into cinder blocks. my appetite shrinks to unadventurous. and where excitement should be budding i find a void. even the summer sun cannot sway me from my devotion to procrastination. my want of avoidance. numbness to all. it has a weight. a presence. a name. i just have no interest in knowing it.