she hides. against the grain. concealed under decorative distractions. hypnotizing patterns. that provide pops of brilliance in this consuming darkness. and vibrantly hope to help her escape the impending guillotine. poised. ready to befall our heroine all the reality she has ignored. all the put off til tomorrow thoughts refined to a sharpness. slowly. cascading silently. she watches the blade fall.
awash in a foreign cast. alien. outsider searching for crevices. footholds. ways to route a path of comfortable disservice. for growth sprouts from discomfort. advance. vining along one course. only to tangle in thorny brush the next. and force a reflective rerouting. proceed. despite the forever feeling one does not belong. and learn to embrace the uniqueness each unparalleled pattern offers.
residing in shadows too long results in amnesia. a loss of radiant joy. but allows for rediscovery. to tentatively open into peeking shine. a warm ray penetrating the darkness. that softly caresses. illuminates. rouses a hibernating creature. bestows a reminder of the vibrancy found in light. full color. to draw her from the cold. one sun kissing beam at a time.
propped on discomfort. and shrouded in dissatisfaction. i toss and turn. uninspired. in this listless state. on the precipice of surfacing. uncover. emerge from beneath the deceptively heavy sheet. to the colorful world awaiting. that euphoric space where the wind whistles with joy. and all appears clear. but tempted to surrender. to the silky stagnation. recover. and melt into the limbo.
disarray can only last for so long. fizzle out. fade into a calmer rhythm. with her nest in order. this chickadee can recline. torpor. snuggle into pixelated pillows. leaving behind the stressful imprints of the past. for budding spring sun light. that attempts to burst through lingering winter clouds. and soothe. relax. into comforting cushions. while flying dreams overtake the day.
under constant critique one can pale to pastel. wear down. and allow a peek. beneath the cover ups. welcoming for a brief moment into this safe space. reflection. wary at first. at odds with self-pronounced flaws. but come to gaze upon vulnerability’s power. its true offering. the gift of honesty. that hushes the negative and highlights the ability to know oneself.
words elude me. they jumble in mass. coagulating into a clot creating barriers, fears, hesitations. when clarity momentarily froths to the surface. it quickly evaporates into misunderstanding. exhale. leaving me veiled behind the curtain of mistranslation. behind a timid voice. i let it envelope me. inhale. a concoction of confusion and hopefulness. open to the rise and fall of progressive breathing.
made. on this day. 1985. three plus decades have shaped her figure. chiseled away the extraneous to reveal highlights. taken from lovely bits of different landscapes, faces, and times. sculpting a morphing form. but harbors two constant threads. woven throughout this creature’s composition. a ferocious craving of curiosity. that keeps her exploring more. and gratefulness for the gems discovered along the way.
riding the descend of one moment and the dawn of another. i recognize this repeating pattern. of sweet mixed sadness creating a confused concoction. duplexity. a calm exterior hides my internal unrest. crisscrossing against the grain. those troublesome shadows revel in revealing emotions. hidden under anxious hair play. that sneak to the surface when least expected. and catch me off guard.
after too many colorless sailing days. a swell of gold highlights harbor. ahoy. i have landed. washed up on familiar shores. with boulders built from eroded memories. to rediscover lost loves that were always there. guides. faintly fizzing in crashing waves. waiting to carry me back. willing. across the stress seas. to exciting uneven ground. that induce the need for ready.