when the anxiety of maneuvering all the plot points builds. into a flurry of check marks on to-do lists. missed comms. what-ifs. each new idea splintering into infinite opportunities. cascading cacophony. swirling together until one final piece. linchpin. locks into place. transforms the anxiety. from stressful stomach knots. to excited butterflies. who relish this plan. and settle into a balanced state.
that moment when the arc of completion drops. a brief rush of relief. quickly followed by the messy emotional cocktail found at the end of a laborious rainbow. finish. with a lackluster pot of gold. dulled by the stress of reaching here. bittersweet. glinting flecks of accomplishment reflect efforts made. while the heavier nuggets nag with the endless question. what now.
awash in a foreign cast. alien. outsider searching for crevices. footholds. ways to route a path of comfortable disservice. for growth sprouts from discomfort. advance. vining along one course. only to tangle in thorny brush the next. and force a reflective rerouting. proceed. despite the forever feeling one does not belong. and learn to embrace the uniqueness each unparalleled pattern offers.
residing in shadows too long results in amnesia. a loss of radiant joy. but allows for rediscovery. to tentatively open into peeking shine. a warm ray penetrating the darkness. that softly caresses. illuminates. rouses a hibernating creature. bestows a reminder of the vibrancy found in light. full color. to draw her from the cold. one sun kissing beam at a time.
propped on discomfort. and shrouded in dissatisfaction. i toss and turn. uninspired. in this listless state. on the precipice of surfacing. uncover. emerge from beneath the deceptively heavy sheet. to the colorful world awaiting. that euphoric space where the wind whistles with joy. and all appears clear. but tempted to surrender. to the silky stagnation. recover. and melt into the limbo.
disarray can only last for so long. fizzle out. fade into a calmer rhythm. with her nest in order. this chickadee can recline. torpor. snuggle into pixelated pillows. leaving behind the stressful imprints of the past. for budding spring sun light. that attempts to burst through lingering winter clouds. and soothe. relax. into comforting cushions. while flying dreams overtake the day.
wrung out. til every drop of life has been soaked up. absorbed. has hydrated this bare being. leaving a luster of shiny sweaty reminders that we are alive. breathing. engaged so fully that every golden moment makes for a contented exhaustion. over flowing. from the tiny treasured tokens picked up throughout each day. and anticipating the excitement every new light cascades.
under constant critique one can pale to pastel. wear down. and allow a peek. beneath the cover ups. welcoming for a brief moment into this safe space. reflection. wary at first. at odds with self-pronounced flaws. but come to gaze upon vulnerability’s power. its true offering. the gift of honesty. that hushes the negative and highlights the ability to know oneself.
words elude me. they jumble in mass. coagulating into a clot creating barriers, fears, hesitations. when clarity momentarily froths to the surface. it quickly evaporates into misunderstanding. exhale. leaving me veiled behind the curtain of mistranslation. behind a timid voice. i let it envelope me. inhale. a concoction of confusion and hopefulness. open to the rise and fall of progressive breathing.
riding the descend of one moment and the dawn of another. i recognize this repeating pattern. of sweet mixed sadness creating a confused concoction. duplexity. a calm exterior hides my internal unrest. crisscrossing against the grain. those troublesome shadows revel in revealing emotions. hidden under anxious hair play. that sneak to the surface when least expected. and catch me off guard.