propped on discomfort. and shrouded in dissatisfaction. i toss and turn. uninspired. in this listless state. on the precipice of surfacing. uncover. emerge from beneath the deceptively heavy sheet. to the colorful world awaiting. that euphoric space where the wind whistles with joy. and all appears clear. but tempted to surrender. to the silky stagnation. recover. and melt into the limbo.
disarray can only last for so long. fizzle out. fade into a calmer rhythm. with her nest in order. this chickadee can recline. torpor. snuggle into pixelated pillows. leaving behind the stressful imprints of the past. for budding spring sun light. that attempts to burst through lingering winter clouds. and soothe. relax. into comforting cushions. while flying dreams overtake the day.
wrung out. til every drop of life has been soaked up. absorbed. has hydrated this bare being. leaving a luster of shiny sweaty reminders that we are alive. breathing. engaged so fully that every golden moment makes for a contented exhaustion. over flowing. from the tiny treasured tokens picked up throughout each day. and anticipating the excitement every new light cascades.
after days in depressing darkness. the lone huntress emerges. awoken. comes to the brink of bleak and bright. pondering the path ahead. divided. to burst forth into renewed jubilation. a sunny soaked street littered with soul-lifting adventures. or succumb to the bewitching dark side of sinful delights. snuggle into the listlessness she knows too well. split. she lingers on the edge.
swaddled in sinewy wooden skin. its barrier both preserving and preventing progress in my world. i sink further into the swampy trap of doubt. languish. fester in frictionless mind games. that endlessly loop detrimental mantras. sticky. in those stuck days when sludge sucks the brightness from my figure. feeding off melancholy moods. and taking me deeper into its murky muddy form.
the manic crests and crashes of life. produce fluctuating moods. but when warmer updrafts prevail. latch on. ride that bundle of balloons. their colorful flurry of fun uplifting you to lighter elevations. to moments outside the madness. and when the gravitational pull of reality feels too strong. know. one can always find simple spheres to elevate. and help you feel free.
slip sliding through frosty terrain. leaving divots. shards. icy remnants of shaky paths. contrast to smooth skating days. when those missteps suddenly stumble upon a cool world. frozen. hidden under what appeared to be turmoil. but was prismatic. allowing intrigue to look back. to display different views beneath the fickle tundra. waiting to be unlocked. discovered. for the thaw to begin.
under constant critique one can pale to pastel. wear down. and allow a peek. beneath the cover ups. welcoming for a brief moment into this safe space. reflection. wary at first. at odds with self-pronounced flaws. but come to gaze upon vulnerability’s power. its true offering. the gift of honesty. that hushes the negative and highlights the ability to know oneself.
words elude me. they jumble in mass. coagulating into a clot creating barriers, fears, hesitations. when clarity momentarily froths to the surface. it quickly evaporates into misunderstanding. exhale. leaving me veiled behind the curtain of mistranslation. behind a timid voice. i let it envelope me. inhale. a concoction of confusion and hopefulness. open to the rise and fall of progressive breathing.
made. on this day. 1985. three plus decades have shaped her figure. chiseled away the extraneous to reveal highlights. taken from lovely bits of different landscapes, faces, and times. sculpting a morphing form. but harbors two constant threads. woven throughout this creature’s composition. a ferocious craving of curiosity. that keeps her exploring more. and gratefulness for the gems discovered along the way.